What's Missing?

This is a question I ponder a lot, with varying degrees of satisfaction with said pondering and its conclusions. There are some events in life where change is an inexorable and unavoidable part of life. There are some concepts, people, places, and things in life that lead inevitably to a perceivable hole in one's psyche. It's similar to the feeling you experience when you fear or realize you've left something important at home while jet-setting on a vacation. That indescribable "something missing" conception.

It's peculiar in life that it's almost impossible to predict the exact size of the imprint these people, places and things have within our hearts and minds. Something you never thought you would miss looms large when it's gone - obviously it's not a foreign concept to us, with idioms like "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" being well known in our society. Sometimes the things you thought would never evaporate, things that you use as the foundation for building your skyscraper, are suddenly gone.

This blog allows me to explore feelings and concepts important to me, but the former has always been severely lacking. I've been wondering why more and more lately, why writer's block halts my ability to make regular posts when before I had no such difficulties. Have I lost my muse in the past few months?

I don't think so. I came to the conclusion that something is indeed missing, but it's not a person or place; it's the concept of conflict. Writing to oneself in a journal offers no exceptional conflict, no back-and-forth dialogue save whatever internal debates one can have. And maybe this is the heart of the problem - I find very little conflict in my life, and my inner thoughts have generally reflected this. I doubt myself far too rarely in my own head. Internal conflict, I will posit, is important - more than once I have created conflict where it does not actually exist to fulfill some kind of internal necessity. It's the same with people who are particularly judgmental of others, where the boundaries of "like" and "dislike" shift like oil in water. I have no problem with people like this, for the most part, save for my inability to understand the alienation they must feel by despising something one day and then loving it the next.

But I digress! Conflict should be more a natural part of life than something manufactured. I will strive to further challenge myself, my conceptions, and my senses. When someone says something I agree with, I will simply say so; there is little point in playing an advocate for a baseless devil.